Dear Rylie,
Tomorrow is your very first birthday. This first year we have shared together has
been the happiest, most fulfilling of my life so far. Before you were born, I had no idea what to
expect. I knew life would change. I knew it would never be the same, but
from the moment I saw you, I knew I would never want it to be.
My heart has been ruined by the deepest most profound love
we humans could ever encounter here on earth.
It is unlike anything I could have imagined. If you are old enough to be given this letter
to read, you are no doubt old enough to understand love, but until you
experience this love for yourself, you may not quite understand how a heart can
be so full of love that it actually hurts.
In your first year of life, you have given me the greatest
gifts and taught me the most important lessons I have learned in my first 30
years of living.
You made me a mom.
You gave me a reason.
A reason for life, a reason to love, a reason to fight, a reason to
play, a reason to give.
You made me more vulnerable than I could have ever imagined. Someone once told me, “Once you become a
parent, you’ll never have another worry-free day in your life.” Now I get it.
You made me fall in love with your daddy all over again. You never know how much you can love a man until
you see him as a father.
Tonight, I laid down with you to help you fall asleep. You peeked at me through your sleepy eyelids
and gave a soft, sweet squeal. You
softly placed your hands on my cheeks and patted my face as you leaned in for
some kisses. A tear came to my eye. I never want to forget little moments like
this, and part of me is scared that I will.
Someday, when life is too busy. When there are after school activities,
homework, and social agendas. Someday,
when there are boys, a car to drive, and a cell phone that’s ringing. Someday when there is college life, a
wedding, and a family of your own. Will
I remember these moments? Will I
remember that first year with you? The
year that changed my life for the better. The year that made us, us. The year that introduced us and bonded us for life. Of course I will, sweetheart.
Tonight is the last night before you’re a big 1-year old. This time last year, I was in the hospital
anticipating your arrival, not knowing what to expect, not knowing what this
new life would bring. To say that you
are so special to me would be an understatement. To say that you are my life, my breath, my
heart, and my reason might start to
describe what you mean to me.
Rylie, I love you more than you may ever know. I thank God for every moment I have with
you. I am so lucky to be your
mother. I still can’t believe God picked
me and entrusted me with your life. I
can’t imagine how I could deserve to call you mine. My promise to you is that I will do
everything in my power to give you the best life, the deepest love, and the
greatest joy that you deserve.
Because, after all, you gave it all to me first.
Love you forever and ever,
Mommy
