Dear Rylie

Dear Rylie,

Tomorrow is your very first birthday.  This first year we have shared together has been the happiest, most fulfilling of my life so far.  Before you were born, I had no idea what to expect.  I knew life would change.  I knew it would never be the same, but from the moment I saw you, I knew I would never want it to be. 

My heart has been ruined by the deepest most profound love we humans could ever encounter here on earth.  It is unlike anything I could have imagined.  If you are old enough to be given this letter to read, you are no doubt old enough to understand love, but until you experience this love for yourself, you may not quite understand how a heart can be so full of love that it actually hurts.

In your first year of life, you have given me the greatest gifts and taught me the most important lessons I have learned in my first 30 years of living.

You made me a mom.

You gave me a reason.  A reason for life, a reason to love, a reason to fight, a reason to play, a reason to give.

You made me more vulnerable than I could have ever imagined.  Someone once told me, “Once you become a parent, you’ll never have another worry-free day in your life.”  Now I get it.

You made me fall in love with your daddy all over again.  You never know how much you can love a man until you see him as a father.

Tonight, I laid down with you to help you fall asleep.  You peeked at me through your sleepy eyelids and gave a soft, sweet squeal.  You softly placed your hands on my cheeks and patted my face as you leaned in for some kisses.  A tear came to my eye.  I never want to forget little moments like this, and part of me is scared that I will. 

Someday, when life is too busy.  When there are after school activities, homework, and social agendas.  Someday, when there are boys, a car to drive, and a cell phone that’s ringing.  Someday when there is college life, a wedding, and a family of your own.  Will I remember these moments?  Will I remember that first year with you?  The year that changed my life for the better.  The year that made us, us.  The year that introduced us and bonded us for life.  Of course I will, sweetheart.

Tonight is the last night before you’re a big 1-year old.  This time last year, I was in the hospital anticipating your arrival, not knowing what to expect, not knowing what this new life would bring.  To say that you are so special to me would be an understatement.   To say that you are my life, my breath, my heart, and my reason might start to describe what you mean to me. 

Rylie, I love you more than you may ever know.  I thank God for every moment I have with you.  I am so lucky to be your mother.  I still can’t believe God picked me and entrusted me with your life.  I can’t imagine how I could deserve to call you mine.  My promise to you is that I will do everything in my power to give you the best life, the deepest love, and the greatest joy that you deserve.

Because, after all, you gave it all to me first.

Love you forever and ever,

Mommy